There are people who love to let emotions sweep them away, sharing them with others at every possible opportunity. In contrast, there are others we define as "emotionally unavailable" – people who struggle to create and nurture intimate connections in romantic relationships. Usually, we tend to attribute this trait to men, but women can also be emotionally unavailable. When we start dating someone like this, various questions may arise in our minds – Do they care about me? Are they genuinely interested in me? Is there any chance they’ll ever show affection? Such people may indeed seem cold, distant, or indifferent, but in most cases, they simply struggle to talk about emotions. In fact, they might be deeply in love with you, and it’s not that they don’t know how to show it or are indifferent, but rather that you’re not recognizing the emotions that do exist within them. That’s why it’s worth knowing the 10 signs that will show you they truly love you, contrary to what you might assume.
First Things First – How to Identify an Emotionally Unavailable Person?
Before we get to the signs of love, you first need to understand whether your partner indeed fits the definition of "emotionally unavailable." Here are the signs that indicate this:
-
Confusing Behavior: One day, your partner seems attentive and shows you affection, and the next day, they barely respond to you. This can lead you to question whether they truly care about you, resulting in feelings of confusion and even loneliness in the relationship.
-
Superficial Conversations: Your conversations remain light and don’t delve beneath the surface. Your partner enjoys talking about work, movies, or hobbies, but they shut down when a topic requiring emotional openness arises.
-
Fear of Commitment: Your partner avoids labeling the relationship in any way or expresses reluctance about long-term plans. You might hear common phrases like "I’m not ready for a serious relationship" or "Let’s just see where this goes." This can make you feel uncertain about where the relationship is heading.
-
Avoidance of Vulnerability: They are physically present but emotionally distant, avoiding conversations that might make them feel emotionally exposed. They change the subject when the conversation gets serious or deep, or they simply feel uncomfortable sharing their emotions with you. It feels like they’re putting up a wall that you have to try to break through to reach their heart.
-
Distractions: When the relationship reaches serious moments, whether in conversation or actions, your partner may try to steer things to a less serious place, reverting to flirting or joking. For example, if the conversation gets serious, they might use physical touch to dodge the topic and end the discussion. This might make you feel close in the moment, but it won’t deepen the emotional connection between you.
-
Emotional Avoidance: Your partner may struggle to deal with emotions, not just those related to your relationship, and they try to suppress or deny them in various ways. For instance, there might be a specific issue in their life that affects them emotionally, and when you try to help or talk about it, they prefer you ignore it. They might do the same for you – when you’re struggling with an issue that affects your emotions, they’d rather ignore it or convince you to ignore it instead of providing emotional support.
Why Is It Important to Recognize Signs of Love from Emotionally Unavailable People?
As mentioned, the term "emotionally unavailable" doesn’t necessarily define your partner’s true state, as it sounds like there’s no room in their heart for emotion or love. Even if you’ve known each other for a long time, you might be speaking different languages when it comes to expressing affection and love, and the signs you’re looking for might not be the right ones. Recognizing the correct signs will alleviate any fears, confusion, or insecurity about the relationship you’ve built, and it will also help you understand your partner more deeply. Ultimately, this is what will strengthen your bond, and you’ll start to see what your partner does to show they care about you.
Additionally, it will help you adjust your expectations. When you know you’re loved without expecting unattainable things, you’ll be able to appreciate the unique ways in which affection and love are given to you, eliminate misunderstandings that lead to arguments in your relationship, and feel more confident in yourself and your choice to continue the relationship. This is crucial if you truly love this person and want to maintain a long-term relationship with them.
How to Know If an Emotionally Unavailable Person Loves You
You might not hear the words "I love you" directly. In fact, that person might not even be aware themselves that they love you. However, there are 10 signs that show you’re important to them and that love for you does exist in their heart:
1. They Start Opening Up to You Gradually
While your partner may seem to avoid deep conversations, over time, they might open up and reveal more about themselves. They give you a glimpse into their inner world, what they like, and what they don’t. This is a sign that they’re starting to trust you.
2. They Make Time for You
They make plans with you and generally enjoy spending time with you. This is clearly a sign that they love being with you and enjoy the time you spend together.
3. They Remember Small Details
They pay attention to things you like and remember them, such as your favorite dessert or important dates. This shows they’re listening and making an effort to remember what you tell them.
4. They Are Protective of You
If they start showing concern for your well-being, ask about your welfare, and protect you when you’re vulnerable, it’s a good sign. They may struggle to show emotions, but they demonstrate their love and care in ways that indicate deep feelings for you.
5. They Let You Be Part of Their World
They introduce you to their circle of friends and family, indicating they want you to be part of their life. They might also share their passions with you, which is a very good sign, especially if they don’t typically do this with others.
6. They Compliment You
They notice changes or things about you and give you compliments that make you smile. This shows they truly see you and who you are, not taking you for granted.
7. They Show Their Vulnerable Side
For them, this might be rare, but if they reveal fears or difficult experiences from their past, it’s a sign they trust you and are willing to take the relationship to a deeper level. Though in small steps, these are significant steps for them.
8. They Are Willing to Work on Communication
They might not be great at expressing their emotions, but they make an effort to improve communication and are willing to listen and talk about what’s on their mind. This is an attempt to bridge the gap you’ve likely noticed. They might even ask what you think they can do to improve the relationship, showing they’re willing to work on themselves and genuinely want it to work.
9. They Apologize When Needed
When they mess up, instead of avoiding responsibility, they apologize and try to make amends. It’s not easy for emotionally unavailable people to admit mistakes, as it exposes their vulnerability, so if they do this, it’s a sign they value you greatly and are truly trying to be the person you need them to be.
10. They Hint at Future Plans
It starts with small plans, like going on a special trip together or anything that will take a few months to happen. This certainly indicates they’re not as afraid of commitment as you might have thought.
How to Respond to Love from an Emotionally Unavailable Person?
Now that you understand the signs of love from an emotionally unavailable person, it’s time to ask yourself: Can I handle the love I’m receiving? Does it suit me? This requires self-awareness, recognizing your boundaries, and considering your emotional well-being. Here’s how to approach this:
-
Appreciate the Effort, No Matter How Small: If your partner starts revealing emotions in some way, even if it’s just a fleeting moment that doesn’t happen often, show them you appreciate it. You can simply say, “Thank you for sharing with me,” and such a statement will have a profound impact on them.
-
Explain Your Needs: Let them know how you feel without pressuring them. Instead of expecting them to become more emotionally connected right away, simplify it with statements like, “I really love when we manage to create a deep connection” or “It feels good to feel close to the person I love.” This will help them understand where you’re coming from without backing them into a corner.
-
Show Your Vulnerability: Sometimes, you need to lead by example to show your desires and needs. Share your past experiences, fears, and dreams. If your partner sees you’re comfortable being vulnerable with them, they might feel more at ease opening up in the same way. It’s a gentle way to signal that it’s okay to be themselves.
-
Be Patient, But Don’t Wait Forever: You need to be patient, but don’t neglect your deeper needs. Give your partner a chance to grow, but don’t allow yourself to stay in a relationship that makes you miserable if it seems to be going nowhere. If you’re waiting for a change that never comes, ask yourself if it’s truly fair to you.
-
Be Prepared to Walk Away: There’s a possibility that your partner may never open up emotionally as much as you’d like, and it’s important to figure out if such a dynamic in the relationship works for you and is acceptable. If there are issues that matter to you and it seems you’ll never be able to bridge or discuss them, you need to set clear boundaries to protect yourself from harm. Be careful not to invest too deeply in emotions with someone you can’t truly have the relationship you deserve with.
In Conclusion
You may have had no experience building a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person, and you’re struggling, feeling like you’re in a maze with no way out. Perhaps that person will never express emotions the way you want or are used to, but love can still grow in such relationships—it just shows itself in different ways. If you’ve recognized the signs of love mentioned here, know that you’ve truly found someone who values and loves you, even if they’re not ready to say it in words.
However, remember that a healthy relationship requires open communication and emotional intimacy between partners. Therefore, if you have needs that your partner can’t meet, you may need to prioritize your well-being over the relationship you’ve built. In such a situation, you truly need to ask yourself if this is the right person for you.
```
