There are many parenting styles, and naturally, each of us adopts our own style, but it’s also possible to make an effort and become a different kind of parent. One parenting style that some parents have been adopting in recent years is “koala parenting” – a style that emphasizes affection, bonding with the baby from a young age, holding them, and responding to every emotional expression. If this sounds like what you’re already doing, or if you want to learn how to become such a koala parent, we’ll detail here the characteristics of this parenting style, as well as its advantages and disadvantages.
Here’s what you need to do to be koala parents:
1. Quick response to the baby’s cries: Like attachment parenting, koala parents should avoid letting the baby cry until they calm down. This means not trying to let the baby fall asleep on their own while crying, but rather helping them fall asleep.
2. Skin-to-skin contact: From the moment of birth, the parent should include as much skin-to-skin contact as possible in the baby’s early years, and preferably breastfeed rather than bottle-feed. There’s no need to avoid holding the baby for long periods out of fear that “they’ll get used to it.”
3. “Wearing” the baby: Like a koala carrying her joey on her back, a koala parent can use a carrier to hold their baby when they’re crying or in distress, or generally when doing things around the house or going out with the baby when they’re not in a stroller.
4. Close sleeping: Koala parents sleep with their babies until they reach one year of age. This doesn’t have to be in the same bed, and it’s enough if it’s in the same room.
5. Gentle guidance: When the child is older, koala parents provide guidance through inclusive and patient communication rather than rigid and disciplinary methods. This includes giving positive reinforcement and guiding toward better and more appropriate actions and responses, with less punishment and scolding.
If you want to try koala parenting or feel like you’re already doing it and want to improve, here are some tips to help you:
1. Adapt the parenting style to your circumstances: You don’t have to follow the guidelines rigidly. What you need to do is adapt this parenting style to your family’s lifestyle. What you should do is be prepared to address significant emotional issues with patience, while listening to the baby’s needs.
2. Remember your own needs: While it’s important to be there for your baby, if you feel your energy depleting, make sure to take enough time for yourself. Only if you feel secure and relaxed yourself can you pass that feeling on to your children. If you start feeling that this style is too much for you, don’t think you’re a failure. It’s just exhaustion, and it’s very common in koala parenting in the early stages.
3. Understand that you can’t be perfect parents: There will always be days when you feel like you don’t understand your child when they’re upset, or you might be too exhausted to respond to their cries. Remember that you’re doing your best, and that’s what matters. Don’t stress yourself out, do what you can, and that’s already better than doing nothing at all.
4. Help your children build a sense of independence: There’s a risk that you might cause your child to rely too much on you to meet their needs as they grow, so you should encourage independence over time by creating a safe environment for them to experiment and face challenges on their own when they’re capable. It’s okay for them to experience failure from time to time; that’s how they learn. However, you should guide their response to failure to a positive place.
