The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
This Joke Starts With a Huge Family Waiting For a Bus
A blind man vies for a seat on a bus with a family with nine children. Inevitably, he and the husband do not make it on due to overcrowding. An argument ensues.
Joke: Two Women Hit It Off In Arizona
A wise woman gets a lift from a younger woman while walking out in the Arizona desert. It isn't long before they get talking...
Joke: This Man Really Needed to Confess Something...
A woman is holding a candlelit vigil at her husband's bedside when he tells her that he has a confession to make...
Have You Heard This Joke? The Special Gift
A man gets into a wreck and severely burns his face. His wife is very generous and gives him a skin graft. Little does he know the pleasure she gets out of it..
This Joke Starts With a Greedy Man...
A stingy lawyer simply isn't willing to let go of the money he has earned - even in death. That's why he hatches to plan to prove that you can take it with you.
Joke: The Fortune Teller and the Bad News
A sneaky woman decides to visit a fortune teller when she's in New Orleans
These 18 Pictures Sum Up What It’s Like to Visit Canada
Just like any country in the world, Canada has its funny quirks. These are the funny things that make Canada special!
These Hilarious Pub Signs Are Enough to Tickle Your Fancy
When you're a pub landlord, it's always a challenge to get the customers through the door, but these 17 hilarious signs will show you how creative they can be.
These Architects Should Really Rethink Their Career Choice
Somebody messed up big time. You’ll laugh your head off seeing how wrong construction can go with these hilarious photos.
Watch Out! Cats Have Taken Over Supermarkets Everywhere!
These sweet and funny pictures of cats in supermarkets will warm your heart.
Babbling Babies & Playful Animals = Laughter Unlimited
This hilariously cute video will save your boring day!
These Wacky Road Signs Are Worth Stopping For
These bizarre signs will add some humor to your everyday commute.
These Dogs Just Don't Understand the Concept of Size!
Maybe a cat took their bed, maybe they just miss being small, but one thing is for sure - these dogs need a bigger bed!
I Dare You Not to Laugh at These Silly Signs
Who on earth put these pointless signs all over our streets?!
Hilarious: Ahhhm... That's NOT What I Ordered...
These are some serious shopping fails. I don't know whether to play the customers or the companies. So let's just laugh at both!
Classic Comedy: Sure, I Can Play the Concerto!
In this classic skit, world famous conductor Andre Previn attempts to get Eric Morecambe to play Grieg's Piano Concerto. How will they get on?
Stand-up Comedy: What Men Really Think of Their Marriage
Marriage is certainly a blessing we all appreciate. But that doesn't mean we can't have a good laugh about it! This portrayal is cynical, but deadly funny!
This is What Happens When Translations Go Wrong...
These examples of translated English didn't quite turn out as intended, with hilarious results!
Some Languages Are Humorous, But English Is Hilarious!
If you're a sucker for a good, honest, rib-tickling pun, we've got more than 20 of them here for you to giggle away at!
Hilarious: The Real Dogs Behind the "Beware Dog" Signs
Here are 12 hilarious “Beware of the Dog” signs and the cuties behind those signs.
These People Practice Professional Insanity. Hilarious.
A hilarious compilation of especially creative gags!
To Date this Hilarious Father's Daughter, Here are the Rules
While dads may be glad to see their daughter in love, when it comes to fathers and daughters, there are some hard line rules that NO suitor should cross!
This Comedian's One Liners Always Have Me in Stitches
This hilarious comedian is a champion of the old-fashioned art of the quick-fire one liner. The laughs keep coming thick and fast!
Had a Bad Day? It Can Always Be Worse!
Forget about the bad day you think you're having - these poor folks got themselves into some serious fixes. Take a look at these hilarious photos.
Hilarious: I Swear This Box Just Grew On Its Own!
These people are either failing their vision or their sanity!
Well, You Can't Say These People Aren't Creative...
These 17 examples of nonstandard thinking intrigued us and made us laugh.
These Uproarious Cartoons Make Age a Hilarious Affair...
These comics show that the best way to deal with aging is to have good old laugh it!
No Matter My Age, a Funny Cartoon is a Funny Cartoon
These cartoons will make you laugh at any age.
Eek! Remember When Chaplin Got Trapped in the Lion's Cage?
This classic scene has me rolling around the floor every time...
18 Terrible Sign Designs That Will Have You Bust a Gut
Feeling down? Well, after reading these 18 side-splitting signs, you will no longer have that problem on your hands...
These Inventors Thought Outside the Box! Hilarious
These creators came up with some pretty hilarious inventions.
In Pictures: Comedy Wildlife Photo Awards 2023!
Enjoy the hilarious winners of the Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards 2023!
These Chatty Parrots Will Crack You Up!
Talking parrots provide their owners with many hilarious moments, especially when they are in a chatty mood...
Do You Remember This Classic Sketch? What a Riot!
Benny Hill goes to the big apple and teaches us a few things about meeting women.
Hilarious: 15 Embarrassingly Funny Autocorrect Disasters
Autocorrect fails can be ridiculously funny sometimes.
Forget Your Worries and Laugh With Some Hilarious Cartoons
Take a break from the hustle and bustle of your everyday life and enjoy these one-panel comics by artist Dave Coverly.
14 Grocery Store Signs to Make Your Shopping Funnier!
Chuckle with this super collection of some of the wittiest and funniest signs found inside supermarkets.
The Senior Alphabet is Absolutely Hilarious!
They usually use the ABC poem to teach kids the alphabet, but now they've put out a senior version.
This Prank is Something Quite Magical!
A levitating woman is rudely interrupted by a kid... hilarious!
Some Things Could Only Have Been Invented in Japan
You can always rely on the Japanese to come up with some quirky inventions...
Hilarious: 22 Witty and Clever Cartoons!
22 of the funniest New Yorker cartoons that are just clever enough to be funny but not mysteriously so.
Should We Really “Beware” These Cute Doggies?
These signs ask us to “beware” of these dogs. But we think you will end up laughing at them.
These Geriatric Cartoons Will Make You Laugh Out Loud
These just made me laugh myself silly, but I must admit, they're quite true!