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01732 vorwahl england Jokes

01732 vorwahl england Jokes and more.
Knight Puns
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Band Puns
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
Viking Puns
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
History Puns
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
The George and Dragon
A tourist driving across rural England decided to stay the night in a small town. The only place with rooms available was a quaint English pub, The George and Dragon, which had a lovingly painted sign with a Knight beside a defeated dragon blowing in the evening breeze. Entering the bar room, which while empty had a roaring fire against the back wall, leather padded booths, and a mahogany bar with brass rails, polished to a shine, they went up to the bar and asked for a room. "Rooms cost £20 per night, we don't accept euros, and you must be out by 7am tomorrow, or else you pay for both days." "Alright then, could I get something to eat ma-" "Kitchen closed at 6, and I am not going back there until 11am tomorrow, no matter what you say. Anything else?" "Yes, could I please talk to George?"
The Brit, The Scot, The Irishman and the Genie
Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes in total," says the Genie. The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad’s a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie’s eye "poof" the oceans were teeming with fish. The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity." Again, with a blink of the Genie’s eye "poof" there was a huge wall around England. The Irishman asks, "I’m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it’s about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out." The Irishman says, "Please Fill it up with water."
Whale Puns
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Tea Puns
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
Wind Puns
Q: Why is it so windy in England?
A: Because Harry Kane (hurricane) lives there..
A Leopard in England
A hiker, clearly shaken, enters a remote English village pub, his clothes all torn and he's full of scratches. "You won't believe this," he says to the bartender. "I was attacked by a leopard!" "Really?" "Yes! A leopard! In England!" The hiker sits down and orders the strongest liquor they've got. "I tried to run, but it was of course much faster than me." The hiker gets his glass, empties it, and asks for another. "It sent me to the ground with a mighty push from its paws, but weirdly enough it then just gave me a really sad look and left." "Ah, you met Father Andrews," the bartender says, matter-of-factly. "What do you mean?" asks the tourist, confused. "Father Andrews was our priest. A truly kind-hearted man, loved by all. His only goal in life was to serve his congregation as well as he could. So when he one day found a lamp with a genie, his very first wish was to be a loving shepherd to the community." "That's nice " "Absolutely, if only he hadn't been so prone to spoonerisms."
Travel Pick Up Lines
Are you from South England? Cause you Brighton up my day
Rain Puns
What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
England.
Blonde Jokes
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Blond Jokes
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Puns
England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
One Liners for Kids
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
Soup Puns
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
Water Puns
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
Fish Puns
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Food puns
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
One Liners and Short Jokes
The year is 2219
A dishevelled white haired man crosses the desert that was once the English Channel from the United Kingdom of England to visit the capital of the Eurasian Empire in Brussels. As has been the case for 200 years, he delivers an unsigned letter and returns home, only to repeat the process again the next year. The true meaning of the ritual is lost in the annals of history but many believe it goes back to the days of a mythical quest they called Brexit.
The English Prisoner
An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off." The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing." The German replied, "Yeah that will not be a problem." A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time." "Yeah, that will be done," says the German. The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before." The German replies, "Ok." Next day the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..." "NO!" Snapped the German. "We think you are trying to escape!"
Medieval Puns
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
British Pick Up Lines
Are you from South England? Cause you Brighton up my day.
Anti Jokes
If you were born in France. Raised in England moved to Canada and died in the USA what are you...?
Dead.
The Only Parachute
Paratroopers from England, Scotland, France and the US were on a plane. During World War II, four paratroopers each from England, Scotland, France and the US, were on a plane about to jump when they realized there was only one serviceable parachute. The French paratrooper downed a glass of cognac, said "Pour la France!" and jumped without the parachute. The American downed a glass of bourbon, said "For freedom!" and jumped without the parachute. The Scotsman downed a glass of whiskey, said "For Scotland!" and threw the Englishman.