What trophy do you get if you never score any points? The Art Rouse.
Which front-office type is the most promiscuous? The general ménageur.
Which trophy has the most glitz? The Lady Bling.
What trophy does a stay-at-home defencemen win? The Snorris!
Why do referees always hurry to catch their next flight? Because it's "two
minutes 'fore boarding!"
But would they be stoned by the goalie?
No, they'd smoke it right between the pipes!
Would they get two minutes for tripping?
Not if they spliff the defence.
Where do players hide their marijuana?
Between the stash marks.
Which HOF defenceman was nicknamed The Gravedigger? Denis Plotvin.
Soviet goaltenders got their hair cut at Vladislav's Tress-shack.
Which legend lived in a shack? Was it Eddy? No, Ma-hovel-ich!
What did they give former Flyers left-winger Brian when he successfully
bulked up? Massive Propps.
Did Cyclops the X-man play hockey? Yes, he enjoyed lasing up the skates.
Which rangy centre could cover the whole ice? Jean Umbrelliveau.
Which Habs great once worked as a janitor? Broom-Broom Geoffrion.
If the wooden face mask was popularized by Jacques Plante, was the wooden
cup made popular by Jock Plank?
What's the sweetest moment in a hockey game? When they're icing the puck.
Where do Danish players aim with the puck? Top kroner.
Where's the weak spot on a Scottish goalie? The fief hole.
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
The coddled superstar sat in the seats with the fans instead of on the bench
with the team; for this, ironically enough, he was accused of grandstanding!
After the Moroccan scored a Hat-trick, the players gathered for the fez-off.
Which local sportswriters are most effusive? Those who work in the praise
box!
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
Can linesmen enter the Hall of Fame? Yes, because they decide who's HOFside.
Which hulking left-winger could body-slam The Giant? Dave Andre-chuck.
Which Nordique great has recurring ligament problems? Peter Spaz-knee!
I could go on and on about Salming but I don't want to Borje.
Opposing coaches facing the Leafs in the 60s and 70s knew that Dave was the
one to Keon.
When the defender was put in the box for spearing Jaromir Jagr, he
complained "but it was only a poke-Czech!"
In Quebec they used to practise throwing the puck in the zone, and then
sitting back to wait for a turnover. But eventually the players were
criticized for this dump-and-chaise tactic.
If there's a Tim Horton's chain, should there be a Lanny McDonald's? Or Doug
Harvey's? And what about Ron's Francise?
Which LA King was the total package? Parcel Dionne.
A certain Leafs right-winger was sued by the Louisiana government. He was
Owen N'awlins.
Who's got a penchant for spearing? Pronger!
The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.
In later years was the Great One in decline? Yes he was on the Wayne.
Which Finn is like a hotdog on the ice? Teemu Salami.
Even if injuries end it prematurely, Paul's had a good Kariya.
The refs kept calling interference, even though goalmouth incidents were in
de-crease.
The ref keeps shafting us the offsides; I think he's blue lyin'.
Which superstar has a nose for the puck? Mario the Magsniffascent.
Would Gretzky have changed his name in order to play in Mexico?
Yes, The Great Juan did what it takes.
If Messier retires he's sure to be moosed.
Ed Belfour's new contract offer isn't high compared to other goal tenders.
Will the Red Wings be able to replace their venerable captain Steve? No, because
when it comes to hockey smarts there is no Yzer man.