What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Hand of the buyer with a piece of cheese in the store
A guy walks into a bar.
Which is unfortunate because he has a drinking problem.
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.
Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
Helium walks into a bar.
He orders a drink and wonders why his parents decided to give him such an unusual name, as he can never find it on personalized souvenirs. Plus, baristas never, ever get it right.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks “why the long face?”.
The horse replies “My wife is leaving me and I just got fired."
Why is the fireman buried on the top of the hill?
Because he is dead.
What’s blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.