"Even if the farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start."
- E.W. Howe
"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel
“If you are not killing plants, you are not really stretching yourself as a gardener.”
— J.C. Raulston
"Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons."
- Dave Barry
"The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over never weeded a garden."
- Ray D. Everson
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
— Anonymous
“Anyone who has time for drama is not gardening enough”
— Anonymous
“Weeds are nature’s graffiti.”
— Janice Maeditere
Housework is for people who don’t know how to garden.”
— Anonymous
"I have no plants in my house. They won't live for me. Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide."
- Jerry Seinfeld
"Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's motorized garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one."
- Dave Barry
"Every garden is unique with a multitude of choices in soils, plants and themes. Finding your garden theme is as easy as seeing what brings a smile to your face."
- Teresa Watkins
"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."
- James Dent
“An addiction to gardening is not all bad when you consider all the other choices in life.”
— Cora Lea Bell
“I probably wouldn’t kill so many houseplants if they could scream for food and water the way my pets and children do.”
— Anonymous
“Plant carrots in January and you’ll never have to eat carrots.”
— Anonymous
"What does the letter "A" have in common with a flower?
They both have bees coming after them."
- Kim Roblin
“I have a green thumb. Got it when I dumped out my kale smoothie.”
— John Wagner Maxine
"I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!"
- Steven Wright
“Cauliflower is a cabbage with a college education.”
— Mark Twain