“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash