"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
"Americans will eat garbage provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup."
— Henry James
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
"I don't eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I don't eat anything that looks like I should step on it."
— George Carlin
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson