Whale Jokes

Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Why was the Whale bank heist so successful?
Because it was a whale orca-strated plan
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
I whale always love you.
The theoretic turtle started out to see the toad;
He came to a stop at a liberty-pole in the middle of the road.
“Now how, in the name of the spouting whale,” the indignant turtle cried,
“Can I climb this perpendicular cliff, and get on the other side?
If I only could make a big balloon, I’d lightly over it fly;
Or a very long ladder might reach the top, though it does look fearfully high.
If a beaver were in my place, he’d gnaw a passage through with his teeth;
I can’t do that, but I can dig a tunnel and pass beneath.”
He was digging his tunnel, with might and main, when a dog looked down at the hole.
“The easiest way, my friend,” said he, “is to walk around the pole.”

(Amos Russel Wells)
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”

- Bill Vaughan.
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