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Well

Head Puns
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
Water Puns
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
Why Worry?
Why Worry? In life, there are really only two things to worry about. Either you are well, or you are sick: If you are well, there's nothing to worry about! If you are sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you get better, or you die. If you get better, there's nothing to worry about! If you die, there are two things to worry about. Going to Heaven, or going to Hell. If you go to Heaven, there's nothing to worry about! If you go to Hell, you'll be so busy shaking hands with all your friends that you won't have time to worry... So why worry at all??
Insults & Comebacks
Boyfriend: Just because you have your period doesn’t mean you can be so mean.
Girlfriend: Oh well just because you have a dick doesn’t mean you can be one.
Quotes
Funny Inspirational and Motivational Quotes
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”
Zig Ziglar
“You can always tell when a man's well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.”
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.”
Greg Tamblyn
“People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.”
Betty White
Arm Puns
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
Dolphin Puns
Why don’t dolphin do well on school tests?
Because they work below C-Level!
Dark Short Jokes
One mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds" Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Duh huh guh nuh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock."
Diving Puns
I applied for a job as an Instructor at a Scuba Diving center. The interviewer wanted to know if I can work well under pressure.
Jokes For Women
How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Where does a mansplainer get his water?
From a well, actually.
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