Better

“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.”
Linda Grayson
“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.”
Dave Barry
Why Worry?
Why Worry? In life, there are really only two things to worry about. Either you are well, or you are sick: If you are well, there's nothing to worry about! If you are sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you get better, or you die. If you get better, there's nothing to worry about! If you die, there are two things to worry about. Going to Heaven, or going to Hell. If you go to Heaven, there's nothing to worry about! If you go to Hell, you'll be so busy shaking hands with all your friends that you won't have time to worry... So why worry at all??
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
I saw a guy trying to cross a really busy street. Trying to be helpful, I said, “You know, there is a zebra crossing 50ft ahead.”
He said, “I hope he’s having a better luck than I am.”
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
I have written a book on Penguins.
In hindsight, paper would have been better.
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
What did the period say to the sentence? We better stop now!
Better read than dead.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
What did God say after creating man? I can do so much better.
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
Why would the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch.
Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?
Because it's a little meteor.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”