Virus Jokes

The Chinese Doctor While in China, an American single man acts promiscuous and does not use protection the entire time he is there. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his... swimsuit area... covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. After two days, the doctor tells him, “I’ve got bad news for you, you have contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here in the US. We know very little about it." The man perplexed asks, "Well, can’t you give me a shot or something to fix me up, Doc?" The doctor answers, "I’m sorry, there's no known cure. We are going to have to amputate." "Wait... WHAT?!" The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!" The doctor replies, "Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead, if you want, but surgery is your only option.” The man shops around, going to many doctors and experts, but they all tell him the same, they must remove the organ. At some point a friend tells him, "You contracted this in China right? Then why not go to a CHINESE doctor?" The man, having not thought of that, seeks out a Chinese doctor in the hopes he’ll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines the problematic area and proclaims, "Ahh... yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease." The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to cut off my organ!" The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs, "Stupid American docttahs, always want operate, make more money that way. No need to amputate!" "Oh, thank God!” the man exclaims. "Yes yes,” says the Chinese doctor. "Wait two weeks. Fall off by itself."
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
I was sick, and my whole body turned colorful. The doctor took a look and said that I had a color infection, which is caused by the Crayola virus.s
Why was the computer coughing?
It had a virus.
Did you hear about the computer virus that was programmed by a cat?
It's considered meowware!
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
My computer has a language
That is foreign to me
It speaks of RAM and Gigabytes
And what could ROM be!
I don’t understand the Windows
My computer says are there
Nor the Gem Clip at the side of my page
Wth eyes that blink and stare!
I don’t unerstand the cures
That maintenance wizards do
It’s called defragmenter, span disk,
And virus cleaning too!
Yet, computer and I work hand and eye
With a mouse to translate
The tasks that I want it to do
While it points out my mistakes!
(Burmah M. Teague)
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
Yo momma so ugly the whole world faked a virus and ruined the economy just to make her wear a mask
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
While it’s taking a while for the Corona virus to reach other countries, China got it right off the bat.
Why did the Chinese communist party try to cover up the outbreak of the corona virus disease?
They were afraid not everyone could get it.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
Yo mama is like the corona virus, she keeps trying to spread, but nobody wants her.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
If I had $10 for every virus on my computer, I could buy a new computer.
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