Virus

The Chinese Doctor
The Chinese Doctor While in China, an American single man acts promiscuous and does not use protection the entire time he is there. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his... swimsuit area... covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. After two days, the doctor tells him, “I’ve got bad news for you, you have contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here in the US. We know very little about it." The man perplexed asks, "Well, can’t you give me a shot or something to fix me up, Doc?" The doctor answers, "I’m sorry, there's no known cure. We are going to have to amputate." "Wait... WHAT?!" The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!" The doctor replies, "Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead, if you want, but surgery is your only option.” The man shops around, going to many doctors and experts, but they all tell him the same, they must remove the organ. At some point a friend tells him, "You contracted this in China right? Then why not go to a CHINESE doctor?" The man, having not thought of that, seeks out a Chinese doctor in the hopes he’ll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines the problematic area and proclaims, "Ahh... yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease." The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to cut off my organ!" The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs, "Stupid American docttahs, always want operate, make more money that way. No need to amputate!" "Oh, thank God!” the man exclaims. "Yes yes,” says the Chinese doctor. "Wait two weeks. Fall off by itself."
While it’s taking a while for the Corona virus to reach other countries, China got it right off the bat.
Why did the Chinese communist party try to cover up the outbreak of the corona virus disease?
They were afraid not everyone could get it.
I got really good at telling them, so I’m being crowned the king of corona virus puns.
You’re all formally invited to attend my coronation.
Why can't corona virus jokes go viral?
Because people are laughing into their elbows.
What do Saturday and Sunday have in common with the corona virus?
The weakend.
Girl, are you the Wuhan Corona Virus?
Because you’re taking my breath away.
Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta.
All because of a fusilli people.
As the local drunk, I'm quite worried about the corona virus.
It's got potential tequila lot of people.
Woke up with sweats afraid I'd contracted the corona virus...
Changed into jeans and was all good.
Ok, so if the Corona Virus isn't about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?
Don't worry, the Corona Virus won't last long... It was made in China.
People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible."

People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago."
I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant "what kills the Corona Virus?"

She replied to me "Ammonia Cleaner"

I said "Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here."
With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.
Yo momma so ugly the whole world faked a virus and ruined the economy just to make her wear a mask