What does marriage do? Puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
What did the police arrest the hospital patient for?
He was under cardiac arrest.
Why did the Meteorologist go to hospital?
He was feeling under the weather.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”
Dave Barry
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
I used to have a scuba diving business
But it went under.
I applied for a job as an Instructor at a Scuba Diving center. The interviewer wanted to know if I can work well under pressure.
How do you find zebra?
Look under zeshirt.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.