Tell

I was gonna tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "unionized."
The Drunkard and the Coffee Shop Owner
The Drunkard and the Coffee Shop Owner A drunken man walks into a coffee shop one day. "Do you have ice coffee?" "No sir. We don't." Says the owner. "Ok then." says the drunken man. Then he gets on his way. 20 minutes later he comes back in. "Do you have ice coffee?" he inquires again. "No sir. We don't. I told you before." Says the owner. "Oh. Sorry about that." says the drunken man as he waddles off. 20 minutes later he comes again. "Do you have ice coffee?" "Sir, I told you before. We do not have any ice coffee." "Wow ok then. No need to tell me twice!" exclaims the drunkard and exits. This time, the owner decides to put some coffee in a bucket of ice and wait. Sure enough, 20 minutes later the drunkard enters again. "Do you have ice coffee?" he inquires. "Why yes sir, we do!" says the owner with a smile. "Ugh, could you heat a cup for me then?"
“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.”
Billy Wilder
“A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
“I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.”
Samuel Goldwyn
“You can always tell when a man's well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.”
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
How can you tell that it’s Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
Because he has sesame seed buns.
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!