Swimming Jokes

“You dropped your kid off a changing table? Stuff just happens, okay? Last week, my kid ate a cigarette. I caught him playing in the dryer yesterday. I picked up the wrong baby from daycare. I found my baby swimming in the toilet. No judging.”

- 'What To Expect When You Are Expecting'.
The hipster beaver denied swimming in the river. He said it was too main-stream.
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
How do you light a swimming pool on fire?
You don't.
Never take a flamingo to the local swimming baths. They really don’t like claw-rine.
A Prawn's Journey Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day. The first one was called Justin and the second one was called Kristian. They were continually being chased and threatened by the sharks that inhabited the area. Eventually Justin had had enough. He said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have to worry about being eaten all the time." As he said this, a large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted!" And believe it or not, with that Justin turned into a fearsome shark. Kristian was horrified and so immediately swam away as he was scared of being eaten by his old friend. As time went by, Justin found his new life as a shark to be boring and lonely. None of his old friends would let him get near them as they thought he would eat them and so they just swam away whenever he approached. It took a while, but eventually Justin realized that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. Then one day he was swimming all alone as usual when he saw the mysterious cod again. He thought it'd be better if he could go back to his old life so he swam to the cod and begged to be changed back. The cod worked his magic and suddenly Justin was a prawn once more. With tears of joy streaming down his cheeks Justin swam straight to Kristian's home. As he opened the coral gate, the happy memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "Kristian, it's me, Justin, your old friend. Come out and see me again." Kristian replied, "No way! You're a shark now and you'll just eat me. I'm not being tricked into being your dinner." Justin shouted back "No, I'm not a shark any more. That was the old me. I've changed... I've found Cod. I'm a prawn again Kristian."
What was the artist's favorite swimming stroke? The brushstroke.
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Girl, are you a swimming cap? Because you’re always on my head.
Hey girl, these swimming pool lane lines can't keep us apart.
While walking down the plains of the river, I lost my footing and got hit on my head. Now my head is swimming.
Two fish are swimming in a river, when one of them hits a concrete wall. He turns to the other and says: "Dam"
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
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