Spread Jokes

Are you chocolate spread? Because I want you to spread for my satisfaction tonight.
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
Wow, that's one fantastic spread!
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing.
Yo mama is like the corona virus, she keeps trying to spread, but nobody wants her.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What spread do astronauts use on their toast?
. . . Space jam
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
The ham's on your pillow,
The egg's in your sheet,
The bran muffin's rollin'
Down under your feet,
There's milk in the mattress,
And juice on the spread -
Well, you said that you wanted
Your breakfast in bed.

(Shel Silverstein)
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
Corona virus is just like pasta.
The Chinese invented it but the Italians will spread it all over the world.
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