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Spread Jokes

Food Poems
The ham's on your pillow,
The egg's in your sheet,
The bran muffin's rollin'
Down under your feet,
There's milk in the mattress,
And juice on the spread -
Well, you said that you wanted
Your breakfast in bed.

(Shel Silverstein)
Astronaut Puns
What spread do astronauts use on their toast?
. . . Space jam
Band Puns
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
Nerdy Pick Up Lines
You're like an exothermic reaction, you spread your hotness everywhere!
Corona Virus Jokes
Corona virus is just like pasta.
The Chinese invented it but the Italians will spread it all over the world.
I like my girls how I like my Covid.
19 and easily spread.
I really hope corona virus can't spread through s*x
It would be so lonely being the last man on Earth.
Pot Puns
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
Nuts Puns
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Hummus Puns
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
Funny Money Quotes
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
Funny Aging Quotes
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
Avocado Puns
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
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