Spending Jokes

“If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.” —Reese Witherspoon
I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine's Day and she told me she wanted a divorce.
I told her I wasn't planning on spending that much.
I use to support higher spending on education. But then I learned a harsh truth. No matter how smart we we make children,
50% of them will still be below average.
I love spending koala-ty time with you.
Harry asks his wife Harriet: "What would you like as a present for your birthday?"
Harriet looks at him sarcastically and yells "A divorce!" and then throws her head back and laughs.

Harry looks down wringing his hands, "I wasn't thinking of spending that much."
A husband reels off a list of presents he suggests buying his wife for her birthday.

She rejects them all.

“Well you tell me what you want then.”

“I want a divorce.” she replies.

“I wasn’t planning on spending that much.”
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
What did the gorilla say after spending one month at te gym?
Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!
Spending time at the pool really floats my boat.
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
From the moment I saw you, I knew I would be spending the rest of my life trying to avoid you.
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