Silent Jokes

My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
The last four letters of 'queue' are not silent
They're just waiting their turn.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
What is a newborn mothers favorite song? Silent night!
I am terrified of people who urinate quietly.
After all, all psychos have a silent p.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
As I lay cozy, all snug in my bed,
I enjoy the imagination inside my head
Until I hear racket beside my bed.
It's my 5:00 alarm!

I quickly silent you, you annoying alarm.
Then we SNOOZE together and let dreams carry on.
Enjoying the peace, then I'll be darned;
It's my 5:15 reminder!

Now I hush the ringing of my reminder.
Ok Alarm, let's put that behind us.
Eyes just shut, but here goes that timer
It's 7:20. I'm late!!!

(By Demecia Dean)
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
Abraham Lincoln
Roses are red
Violets are cheaper
If I leave silent voicemails
Please don’t call me a creeper.
While fishing in the blue lagoon,
I caught a lovely silver fish,
And he spoke to me, "My boy," quoth he,
"Please set me free and I'll grant your wish;
A kingdom of wisdom? A palace of gold?
Or all the fancies your mind can hold?"
And I said, "O.K." and I set him free,
But he laughed at me as he swam away,
And left me whispering my wish
Into a silent sea.

Today I caught that fish again
(That lovely silver prince of fishes),
And once again he offered me,
If I would only set him free,
Any one of a number of wishes,
If I would throw him back to the fishes.

He was delicious!!

(Shel Silverstein)
A mime in our town was arrested yesterday after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
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