Settle Jokes

What’s the best way to settle church disputes?
With canons.
There once was a fellow named Abe
And today is the day he was slayed
John Wilkes Booth took his life
As he sat with his wife
Who was visibly shocked and dismayed

In Kentucky Abe Lincoln was born
A State that would later be torn
When a war was declared
And a nation prepared
For a lot of dead soldiers to mourn

He moved the Hoosier State
Where they always have corn on their plate
In the law he was trained
Much respect he attained
Winning many a rousing debate

In The Senate he later would serve
With copious gusto and verve
Then The White House he sought
Which he won by a lot
But many down south were unnerved

As President, Lincoln decided
That the law of the land was misguided
And that slaves should be freed
But the south disagreed
And the country was badly divided

What ensued was a horrible war
Full of death and destruction galore
The battles were heated
The south was defeated
But one aimed to settle the score

Now one hundred and forty-nine years
Why settle for metaphors? How about I turn that simile into a smile?
Hi, you’re so beautiful you made me forget my pick up line. Would you settle for just flowers?
Where do water droplets go to settle arguments?
The Supreme Quart.
Where do koalas go to settle legal matters? A kangaroo court!
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
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