Same Jokes

“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
“My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way.” - Henry Youngman
“Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time." —Chris Rock
What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other?
I didn’t know we lived on the same block.
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
When my cat sleeps, he snoozes
Inside the laundry basket,
Or on top of a tree,
Crammed inside a shelf,
Where no-one can see.
In empty shopping bags,
And cartons made of cardboard,
On piles of books and newspapers,
And suitcases that are stored.
Curled up under furniture,
In places we’d never think to look.
Or nestled behind a flower pot,
In a hard to find nook.
Since my cat sleeps for at least sixteen hours each day
He must be bored of sleeping in the same old way!

(Santhini Govindan)
“12 weeks old: when your kid is young enough to fall asleep on your chest, yet long enough to kick you in the nuts at the same time.” – Lin-Manuel Miranda
All vampires seem to have the same thing for their last meal. A stake.
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
“A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. ~Mark Twain
“Money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy plants, and that’s the same thing.”
— Anonymous
“To like and dislike the same things, that is what makes a solid friendship.”
— Sallust
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”

- Alfred North Whitehead.
“I’ve never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people.”

- Doris Day.
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