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Replied

Wine Puns
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
Dad Jokes
My wife screamed in pain during labor.
I asked, “What’s wrong?”.
She screamed. “These contractions are killing me!!”
“I am sorry, honey.” I replied. “What is wrong?”
A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it and she replied, “Its a bad habit.”
One Liners for Kids
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
Dark Short Jokes
A man awoke in a hospital bed after a brutal accident. He shouted “doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied “I know you can’t, I’ve cut off your arms.“
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. “What happened to your face?” I asked.

“I’m a Para-Lympian,” he replied.

“Boxing?”

“No, hurdles.”
Arm Puns
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".

To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
Pear Puns
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
Hand Puns
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
Corona Virus Jokes
I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant "what kills the Corona Virus?"

She replied to me "Ammonia Cleaner"

I said "Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here."
One Liners and Short Jokes
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile.. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'

'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'
My son asked, "Dad, what are condoms for?"
"Usually to avoid answering questions like these," I replied.
As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply.
After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves.
So Noah asked them, “Why aren’t you multiplying?”
The snakes replied, “We can’t, we’re adders.”
Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"
Beach Puns
A cowboy and a Mexican were walking side-by-side by a beach in Mexico. The Cowboy asked to the Mexican if the Gulf of Mexico was an ocean.
"Sea, Señor," replied the Mexican.
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