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Replied Jokes

Funny Tall People Insults & Comebacks
John commented, "You are so tall that you eat food out of a satellite dish". I replied, "Imagine how fast my internet is!"
Alex said, "You are so tall that a stadium is a toilet for you". I replied, "Why are you watching me pee?".
The trainer said, "If you do push-ups, the sun will burn your back". I replied, "You could say I am the first man on the sun!"
"You are so tall that Google Earth is attached on your forehead," a man told me. "I am employed by Google, are you?" I replied.
Utensils Puns
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
Nuts Puns
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
Ancient Greek Monster Puns
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
Garden Puns
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
Yard Puns
Two snowmen were standing in a yard. One asked the other, "Do you smell carrot?" The other snowman replied, "No, but I can taste coal."
Monster Puns
“Watch out! The road curves ahead” cried the skeleton.
“It’s spine“ replied the driver.
I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.
They said, he doesn't count!
I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"
Peach Puns
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
Orange Puns
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
Tableware Puns
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
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