Once

I once asked my grandfather how he'd lived so long
He smiled and said; "I sprinkle a little gunpowder on my cereal every morning."

I always thought that was a little weird but he did live a long life and left a great legacy; a thriving career, loving wife, seven children, sixteen grandchildren, two great-grandchildren, and a massive hole in the crematorium wall.
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
“I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.”
There once was a student named Clouse
Who proclaimed to the boys of his house
I will take a firm stand
That a tit in the hand
Is much better than two in the blouse.
There once was a lady from Decatur
Who got laid by a large alligator.
But nobody knew
The result of that screw
Because after he laid her, he ate her.
Easter and April Fools fall on the same day this year...
You could say it only happens once in a blue moon.
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
My boyfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate.
Now I have two boyfriends.
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
It’s always a good idea to make friends with babies. That’s free cake once a year for a lifetime.
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
Rodney Dangerfield
There once was a lad from West Philly
Who played basketball and got silly
He fought with some brothers
Which worried his mother
Now he's know as Bel Air's Fresh Prince, Willy
There once was a [person] from [place]
Whose [body part] was [special case].
When [event] would occur,
It would cause [him or her]
To violate [law of time/space]
Once there was a doctor who got shot. He adamantly wanted to perform surgery on himself, despite all of the other surgeons saying that he shouldn't.
But he was so insistent that they finally said "Fine, suture self."
I dated a doctor once. Big mistake.
She was a Psycho.