Newspaper Jokes

The only thing that is black and white and has to be red all over is a newspaper.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
A newspaper man named Fling,
Could make "copy" from any old thing.
But the copy he wrote,
Of a five dollar note,
Was so good he is now wears so much bling.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
Working at The Circus So, Alex sees an ad in the newspaper that says “Circus Looking for New Talents”. Alex says to himself, “Eh, what the heck. I’m pretty talented.” and calls the circus. A lady answers him. “Hello,” she says. “Hi, is this the circus?” “Yes.” “I’ve heard you’re hiring.” “You’ve heard correctly, sir. What is your name?” “Alex.” “Alright then, Alex, what makes you think you can join the circus?” “Well, I have several talents... for example, I can shoot a three-pointer in basketball, like five times in a row.” “O... Okay... That’s quite impressive, sir, but it’s not really not what we’re looking for. I think maybe you should call the NB...” “No, no, wait! I... I can hula hoop for like 30 seconds straight!” “Sir, I really don’t think you understand what the concept of a cir...” “No, please, I... I... I can jump on one leg while saying the alphabet backwards!” “...” “...” “Goodbye, sir.” She hangs up the phone. Alex sits there for a few seconds before he realizes he forgot something. “Oh darn, I forgot to tell her I’m a horse.”
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
Dracula always read the best selling local newspaper because he heard that it had a good circulation.
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
How does a horse make paper mâché?
With newspaper clip-clop-pings.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
“It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.”
Navjot Singh Sidhu
April Fools Day: The day every newspaper tries to fool readers by sneaking in at least one properly researched, factually correct story.
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