Meant Jokes

According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
A friend went in to his garden, dug a hole in the grass and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
The best Sunday I can think of?
You, me, a good movie, and mimosas with no pants on...
Oh sorry, I meant bottomless mimosas.
My wife always said she believes in abstaining from s*x before marriage...
The way things are going, I now think she meant her second marriage.
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
When I go out to dinner,
I do not want to share.
I don’t care what is on your plate;
I don’t want to compare.

I scan the menu up and down
And then make my selection.
When it arrives, it’s meant for me
And not for your inspection.

“You want to taste my fish?” I’m asked.
Some people never learn;
For then the expectation is
To taste mine in return.

And so the answer’s always No!
Yet comments never cease.
“Your fries look really good!” They are,
So let me eat in peace!

Each morsel on my dish is mine
And I intend to finish.
Perhaps my attitude will make
Your thoughts of me diminish.

I’m sorry if that is the case –
Dessert I’ll split just fine;
But when the meal’s delivered –
You eat yours and I’ll eat mine!

(Ilene Bauer)
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
When I was a little kid, I thought "This little piggy went to market." meant it went shopping.
It does not.
I'd be Lyon to myself if I said I thought we weren't meant to be.
“Marriage is a difficult project. When seven years have passed and all your body’s cells have been replaced, you’re meant to experience that seven-year itch.”

—Yoko Ono
The best Sunday I can think of?
You, me, Netflix, and mimosas with no pants on.
Oh sorry, I meant bottomless mimosas.
Mom was a milk maid and dad worked the meat grinder at the local butcher. When they got married they took their vows very seriously.
They really meant it was for butter or for wurst.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
I got a valentine from a pickle today...
It meant a great dill to me.
I remember asking my dad repeatedly what the acronym LGBTQ meant.
I never got a straight answer.
Want to start your day laughing? Register to our Daily Joke!
Did you mean:
Continue With: Facebook Google
By continuing, you agree to our T&C and Privacy Policy