Matter

They say that volleyball is just mind over matter. Because in our minds, you don’t matter.
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
What did Michael Jackson say to his chess opponent?
“It don’t matter if you’re black or white.”
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
Man to wife, “Blow out your candles and make a wish”.
The wife does but a look of disappointment crosses her face.
“What’s the matter,” he asks.
“My wish didn’t work.” she replies.
“How do you know already?” he enquires.
“You’re still here.”
I saw a headline in the newspaper that said someone made a bomb out of nitrous oxide.
This is no laughing matter.
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”
Erma Bombeck
No matter how kind you are...
German children are kinder.
Why doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job? He still ends up with the same boss.
There was an Old Person of Hurst,
Who drank when he was not athirst;
When they said, 'You'll grw fatter,'
He answered, 'What matter?'
That globular Person of Hurst.
Doctor, I keep peeing my pants! What can I do?
Urologist: “It’s mind over matter, urine control.”
They do it without realizing,
They don't really have a clue,
Reading between the lines,
Is something they just can't do.

When there is an argument,
They think they're always right,
No matter what we say or do,
They didn't start the fight.

They blame it on our hormones,
And never take the rap,
If they call us moody bitches,
Then they get a slap.

(By Jessica Miles)
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?

Turkey.
Every book has some flaws and mistakes, no matter how good the editor. It’s bound to happen.
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