Many Jokes

“I probably wouldn’t kill so many houseplants if they could scream for food and water the way my pets and children do.”
— Anonymous
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
I don't care *how* many items you've got, baby, I could check you out all day long!
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
Hey baby, how many Gamma-ray bursts can your Milky Way take?
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
If I had a dollar for every time someone called me immature, I’d have so many Hotwheels.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
A man has found water while digging in his backyard. For many years, he used the water at home saving tons of money until one day, the water stopped flowing. So he dug a little bit further and found water again and used it for years until it also dried up. This time, he went further, brought a digging machine, and dug a deeper hole until he found water.
Neighbors, annoyed by the noise, called the local sheriff who arrives to check what was happening in the backyard. The sheriff discovering the scene in the backyard says:
"Well, well, well ... What have we got here?"
Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?
He ogre-dosed.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
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