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Many

Quotes
“How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.”
Emo Philips
“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”
Mark Twain
Clever Jokes
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A llama.
Corona Virus Jokes
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
Football Puns
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
Engineering Puns
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
Zebra Puns
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
Train Puns
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Insults & Comebacks
You have so many pimples blind people find your face a fascinating read.
Electricity Puns
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
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