Lives Jokes

What's the difference between an internet troll and a video game character?
Video game characters have lives.
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children." – Clarence Day
“All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.”

- Erma Bombeck.
What do you call a witch that lives in the desert?
A sand-witch.
I don't know what Dracula's address is, but I'm pretty sure he lives on a dead end street.
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”

- Sue Murphy.
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
If I were a cat, I'd spend all 9 lives with you
If I were a cat, I'd spend all 9 lives with you.
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