Lawyers Jokes

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
Being Senior Can Be a Funny Thing... Want to live forever? Then choose one of these professions: Old bankers never die, they just lose their interest! Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal. Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under. Old printers never die, they're just not the type. Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding. Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip. Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive. Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver. Old actors never die, they just drop apart. -------------------------------------- Three old guys were out walking. First one said, "Windy, isn't it?" The second one said, "No, it's Thursday!" The third one said, "So am I. Let's go get a beer!" -------------------------------------- Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. They even have their own vocabulary:  BFF: Best Friend Fainted  BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth  CBM: Covered by Medicare  FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers  LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out  GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers.”—Richard Pryor
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
Genie: "I shall grant you 3 wishes."

Me: "I wish for a world without lawyers."

Genie: "Done, you have no more wishes."

Me: "But you said I had 3!"

Genie: "Sue me."
What’s the difference between two lawyers in a Porsche and a porcupine?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
There was a young Coed of Kent,
In matters of law eloquent.
She told lawyers from Yale
That her ass was for sale,
But they proved it was only for rent.
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy!
Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers?
It’s filled with liti-gators.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
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