Actors Jokes

When I arrived onset on a cloudy, dreary day, too many actors had been hired for the small part...
It was overcast.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
Who are the biggest fans at the theatre? The backstage crew - They're always giving props to the actors.
Being Senior Can Be a Funny Thing... Want to live forever? Then choose one of these professions: Old bankers never die, they just lose their interest! Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal. Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under. Old printers never die, they're just not the type. Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding. Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip. Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive. Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver. Old actors never die, they just drop apart. -------------------------------------- Three old guys were out walking. First one said, "Windy, isn't it?" The second one said, "No, it's Thursday!" The third one said, "So am I. Let's go get a beer!" -------------------------------------- Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. They even have their own vocabulary:  BFF: Best Friend Fainted  BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth  CBM: Covered by Medicare  FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers  LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out  GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
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