Itself Jokes

“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.
Why is the moon so conceited at times?
It becomes full of itself.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A turkey that can pluck itself!
What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you?
Slice to meet you.
“I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
Did you know that the Greek god Chronos was in the Mafia?
He was the Don of Time itself!
“The secret source of humor itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.”
Mark Twain
Starts off in the morning, wakes up at six,
Grooms itself using its tongue and licks.
I give it breakfast with a friendly pat.
That's the daily morning of my cat.

Returns for lunch at one o' clock.
Eats milk rice and then goes for a walk.
Sometimes even hunts and catches a rat.
That's the daily afternoon of my cat.

Naps after lunch outside my door.
Sleeps so deeply, perhaps even snores.
Doesn't like the ground; it prefers a mat.
That's the daily evening of my cat.

Wakes up refreshed and comes for dinner.
Does it eat too much? Shouldn't it be thinner?
Eats and sleeps - hope it doesn't get fat.
That's the daily night of my cat.

(M. Tarun Prasad)
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?

A bird who can pluck itself.
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