Instead

One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Why should you swim in an ool instead of a pool?
Because there’s no “p” in it!
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
A werewolf that is confused on what to wear is not a dumb one, instead it is a what-to-wear-wolf.
I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.
There once was a man from East Kent
Whose tool was so long that it bent
To save her some trouble
He folded it double
And instead of coming...he went.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?

He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
Robert Benchley
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
It is not really much about how you bowl, but instead how you roll.
The last time I wanted to go bowling, all the pins were on strike. So I just stayed at home and watched TV instead.
Why do the blondes prefer to have se* instead of bowling?
The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.