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Einstein, Newton, and Pascal decide to play hide-and-seek. Einstein is "It," closes his eyes, counts to 10, and then opens them. Pascal is nowhere to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to one side. Einstein says, "Newton, you're terrible, I've found you!" Newton says, "No no, no. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!"
As a hooker was dressing, she turned to her customer and asked, "Have you just gotten out of prison?"
"Yeah," the guy replied. "How did you guess? Is it because I wanted to have se* from the rear?"
"Partly." She said. "But more because when we finished, you ran around in front of me, bent over, and shouted, 'YOUR TURN.'"
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
There’s a lot to be said about marriage, but we try not to say it in front of the children.
I peed my pants every time I stood in front of my first-grade class to talk.
That's how I lost my teaching license.
Yo Mama so poor I went through her front door and ended up in the back yard.
Yo Mama so poor her front door and back door are the same thing.
Yo momma so fat she walked in front of the TV and I missed the whole Titanic movie.
Yo momma so fat she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said H D.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
As for beauty I am not a star,
There are others much more handsome by far.
But my face - I don't mind it,
For I am behind it,
It's the people in front that I jar.
I need a front door for my hall,
The replacement I bought was too tall.
So I hacked it and chopped it,
And carefully lopped it,
And now the dumb thing is too small.