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Figures Jokes

One Liners and Short Jokes
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what Iā€™m doing.
Puns
I got a job crafting toy models of the dwarves from Snow White.
The pay sucks, but I'm not lying when I tell people I make seven figures.
Theater Puns
Opening a new shadow puppet theatre. Business plan says we'll make a fortune, but those are just projected figures.
History Puns
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
Funny Health Quotes
ā€œI have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
Onion Puns
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
Peach Puns
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
Love Puns
Why do accountants make good lovers?
They're great with figures.
Ghost Puns
Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Ghoul Puns
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
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