Figures Jokes

The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
Why do accountants make good lovers?
They're great with figures.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
I got a job crafting toy models of the dwarves from Snow White.
The pay sucks, but I'm not lying when I tell people I make seven figures.
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
Opening a new shadow puppet theatre. Business plan says we'll make a fortune, but those are just projected figures.
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