Explain Jokes

The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.
It was toucan fusing.
“I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields
“It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
A woman gets into an accident while driving. She tries to explain to the officer that it wasn’t her fault. She says the other guy was drinking and on his phone! The officer looks at the lady and says, "Mam, he could do that in his own backyard.”
Can you explain why your neighbor’s yard is so messy and overgrown?
“We’d never.”
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies "I think not!"
POOF! The horse disappears.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am.

But to explain the concept beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally
Algorithm.
Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did.
A cowboy is walking down main street in nothing but his boots and hat...
Shortly after he got into town, a sheriff stops him.

"Sir, why in the hell are you walkin down the street naked as a jaybird?"

"I can explain! See I met this girl named Sally. Well, I took her back to my place and she took her shirt off... So I took off mine. Then she took her pants off... And I took off mine. She whipped off her britches... And I slipped outta mine.

"After that she laid down and hollered, 'Go to town cowboy!'

"So here I am."
"I am the friend you have to explain to your other friends before they meet me."
— Unknown
The Blind Guy at the Bar
The Blind Guy at the Bar A blind man enters a bar, carefully, and finds his way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately becomes very, very quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blond, and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?” “Nah," says the blind guy, "not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
My wife used to love being called my trophy wife.
Until she overheard me explain to my friends that it's a Participation Trophy.
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you.
I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.
(From movie The Princess Bride)
“Parenting is a cult. And as a cult member, you can try to explain it to other people, but we just appear like lunatics.” – Jim Gaffigan
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