Eat Jokes

Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you?
Have you ever seen a guy eat an entire can of pinto beans in under 10 seconds? Would you like to?
Did You... Eat Them? A large corporation hires a Tribe of ex-cannibals. As they accept them they tell them: "You have full rights as employees, but you're not allowed to eat anybody!" Things go well for several weeks and then the CEO calls the Tribe into his office and says: "One of the employees has been missing for several days now. This is awkward to ask, but... did you EAT them?" The chief of the Tribe checks with his people and says: "No sir, we have not eaten anybody. We have left that all behind us." The CEO remains unconvinced, but without evidence there is nothing he can do. He apologizes for the suspicion and sends them back to work. Once they are away from the other employees, the chief turns to his people and asks: "Okay, which one of you idiots did it?" A tribesman sheepishly puts up his hand and admits: "I ate the cleaning lady." Enraged, the chief slaps the man and yells: "You fool! We've been eating department heads, marketing executives and efficiency consultants for weeks and nobody noticed. Then you had to go and eat someone they'll miss!"
A Hard Tea to Swallow A man was out to lunch with his friend one day. The man was explaining to his friend how he had been exploring and studying different methods of healthy eating and its effects on your body. "After all," he said, "you are what you eat." The man sat down at a table with a salad, a lite vinaigrette dressing, and a small unsweetened green tea, while his friend had a fried chicken sandwich, a large Coke, and fries with some extra salt on the side. As they were about to dig in to their meal, the man realized he didn't grab a fork for his salad. As he was off getting his fork, his friend, playing a prank, dumped some of his extra salt into the man's tea. The man returned, sat, and took a sip of his tea and gagged instantly, spitting the tea all over the table. Immediately furious, the man snapped "what the hell did you do to my tea?" The friend answered the question with a question: "Didn't you say that you are what you eat?" The man's expression shifted from anger to disappointment. "If so, then this prank must've made you a little salt-tea."
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
― Unknown
Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you?
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
I have a personal rule to never eat chocolate alone.
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