A pig goes to a doctor and says: "Doctor, I’ve been having these terrible nightmares and I can’t sleep. Can you prescribe me some sleeping pills?"
Doctor: "Can you describe your nightmares to me?"
Pig: "They are all almost the same. First a man lures me with food, kills me and cuts me into pieces. Then he rubs salt all over my flesh!”
Doctor: "I wouldn't worry about it, looks like you’re going to be cured soon."
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze.
A Hard Tea to Swallow
A man was out to lunch with his friend one day. The man was explaining to his friend how he had been exploring and studying different methods of healthy eating and its effects on your body.
"After all," he said, "you are what you eat."
The man sat down at a table with a salad, a lite vinaigrette dressing, and a small unsweetened green tea, while his friend had a fried chicken sandwich, a large Coke, and fries with some extra salt on the side. As they were about to dig in to their meal, the man realized he didn't grab a fork for his salad. As he was off getting his fork, his friend, playing a prank, dumped some of his extra salt into the man's tea.
The man returned, sat, and took a sip of his tea and gagged instantly, spitting the tea all over the table. Immediately furious, the man snapped "what the hell did you do to my tea?"
The friend answered the question with a question:
"Didn't you say that you are what you eat?"
The man's expression shifted from anger to disappointment.
"If so, then this prank must've made you a little salt-tea."