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Against Jokes

Monster Puns
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
Animal Pick Up Lines
If I said you had a gorgeous shell would you hold it against me?
Garden Puns
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Gladiator Puns
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Grass Puns
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
Mushroom Puns
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
Ancient Rome Puns
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Funny Animal Quotes
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”

- Hebrew Proverb.
Password Puns
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
Classic Pick Up Lines
If I told you you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Funny Work Quotes
“Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired. – Michel Tournier
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock
Funny Aging Quotes
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Travel Pick Up Lines
If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
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