Against

What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
Every koala supports the idea of being able to defend themselves against tyranny. They believe in having the right to bear claws.
“Here in California, we passed a law against texting while driving. But there’s no law preventing you from writing a letter while driving.”
Craig Ferguson
A man and his wife are playing Dungeons and Dragons together...
During the man's turn, he rolls his D20 and rolls a 1. Simultaneously, he stubs his toe against the table leg so hard that his toe essentially falls off. Blood everywhere. The wife has to rush them both to the ER.

She's waiting.

She's waiting...

The doctor emerges, and the wife rushes over. "How is my husband? What's his condition?"

The doctor replies: "Critical, miss."
There is no vaccine against stupidity.
I'd slap you, but I'm against animal abuse.
Why can you never use a serve receive pattern against a sniper? They’d all start running for cover.
What should you wear when you play against the National Volleyball Team? Football helmets.
What should you do when you play volleyball against a team of satanists? You beat the hell out of them.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
I built an electric fence around my property yesterday.
My neighbor is dead against it.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
Do you have something against puns?
No, I'm not homophonic!