Jokes > Tags > Act

Act

Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one.
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
How do you catch a rich squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a cashew.
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
How do you catch a squirrel who's interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
I wanted to catch a squirrel but I didn't know how.
So I decided to climb a tree and act like a nut.
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
Did you hear about the sheep's jousting tournament?
It was a real baa-lancing act.
A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...
The hare vanished into thin hair.
Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died.
A goat came out of nowhere and headbutted me
It was a ram-done act of violence
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
What did the skiier say when his standup act was going downhill fast?
There snow possible way these puns could be more painful.
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.