Act Jokes

"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
I look at you and all the facts
I can't believe your age and how you act.
The number might suggest your old
That you should be shriveled and full of mold.

But, hey look at you
You're young in all you do
The number doesn't mean a thing
As long as you can still sing.

So may this little rhyme and verse
Be one that you don't curse.
Smile and be happy today
Remember, it's your birthday!

(Catherine Pulsifer)
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?
It's mime blowing.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
My friend told me he had to leave the play after Act l. Knowing he'd waited forever to see it, I asked him why. He said the program stated that Act ll was two years later, and he refused to wait that long.
I tried to come up with a funny theatre joke, but it was all just an act.
The lobster and the crab one day
Proposed a friendly race.
Agreed upon the time were they,
Agreed upon the place.
The start and finish lines were where
The two thought they should be.
The crayfish with a clock was there
To act as referee.
And though the rule-book then was read,
Not all was clarified;
For as the lobster forward sped
The crab went to the side.
(Jeffrey Krise)
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
You have to act quickly during a flood because it's an emergent sea.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
The lobster and the crab one day
Proposed a friendly race.
Agreed upon the time were they,
Agreed upon the place.
The start and finish lines were where
The two thought they should be.
The crayfish with a clock was there
To act as referee.
And though the rule-book then was read,
Not all was clarified;
For as the lobster forward sped
The crab went to the side.

(Jeffrey Krise)
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
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