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Act Jokes

Utensils Puns
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Storm Puns
Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?
It's mime blowing.
Divorce Puns
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
Funny Animal Poems That Rhyme
The lobster and the crab one day
Proposed a friendly race.
Agreed upon the time were they,
Agreed upon the place.
The start and finish lines were where
The two thought they should be.
The crayfish with a clock was there
To act as referee.
And though the rule-book then was read,
Not all was clarified;
For as the lobster forward sped
The crab went to the side.

(Jeffrey Krise)
Cosmetics Puns
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
Peach Puns
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
Theater Puns
My friend told me he had to leave the play after Act l. Knowing he'd waited forever to see it, I asked him why. He said the program stated that Act ll was two years later, and he refused to wait that long.
I tried to come up with a funny theatre joke, but it was all just an act.
Orange Puns
Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
Mushroom Puns
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
Funny Poems
The lobster and the crab one day
Proposed a friendly race.
Agreed upon the time were they,
Agreed upon the place.
The start and finish lines were where
The two thought they should be.
The crayfish with a clock was there
To act as referee.
And though the rule-book then was read,
Not all was clarified;
For as the lobster forward sped
The crab went to the side.
(Jeffrey Krise)
River Puns
You have to act quickly during a flood because it's an emergent sea.
Nuts Puns
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
Funny Aging Quotes
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
Funny Birthday Poems
I look at you and all the facts
I can't believe your age and how you act.
The number might suggest your old
That you should be shriveled and full of mold.

But, hey look at you
You're young in all you do
The number doesn't mean a thing
As long as you can still sing.

So may this little rhyme and verse
Be one that you don't curse.
Smile and be happy today
Remember, it's your birthday!

(Catherine Pulsifer)
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