Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!