What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.