Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!