What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!