This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.