Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!