What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!