What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.