Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.