What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.