What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.