Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.