What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.