What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.