Programmer:
A machine that turns coffee into code.
I asked a French man if he played video games
He said, "Wii."
How do two programmers make money?
One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the IT professional, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.