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xj220 van Jokes

xj220 van Jokes and more.
Funny Poems
There’s been a murder, a woman was killed,
found in a bathtub, partially filled.
A pair of policemen went into the house
and questioned the poor woman’s spouse.
He’d just come home from working all night
and found her like that, a terrible sight.
The younger policeman looked on with dismay.
He’d never forget that terrible day.
He saw the young woman from behind the door
and empty milk cartons all over the floor,
Scattered strawberries, slices of fruit,
and spoonfuls of sugar and honey to boot.
”Who could have done this terrible thing?”
His voice had a horrified, pitiful ring.
”Just look at the clues,” replied Sargeant Miller.
”It looks like the work of a cereal killer.” (Albert Van Hoogmoed)
Roses are Red Violets are Blue Jokes
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have a gun,
Get in the van.
Goat Puns
What do you call a goat who paints pictures?
Vincent Van Goat.
Travel Puns
I hate getting tide down in one place. So let's take an ad-van-ture.
Family Vacation Quotes
"If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money."
– Abigail Van Buren
Music Jokes
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
Ear Puns
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
Knight Puns
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Monster Puns
Why was Van Helsing so dedicated to killing Count Dracula?
Because he staked his whole reputation on it!
Car puns
What is a car’s favourite band?

Van Halen.
Mouse Puns
What kind of car does a mouse drive?
A mini van.
Have You Met the Van Gogh Family?
Did you know the painter Vincent van Gogh had a very large family? There's his dizzy aunt, Verti Gogh The brother who ate prunes, Gotta Gogh The brother who worked at a convenience store, Stop N Gogh The grandfather from Yugoslavia, U Gogh His magician uncle, Wherediddy Gogh His Mexican cousin, A Mee Gogh The Mexican cousin's American half brother, Gring Gogh The nephew who drove a stage coach, Wellsfar Gogh The constipated uncle, Can't Gogh The ballroom dancing aunt, ang Gogh The bird lover uncle, Flamin Gogh The fruit loving cousin, Man Gogh An aunt who taught positive thinking, WaytoGogh The little bouncy nephew, Poe Gogh A sister who loved disco, Go Gogh And his niece who travels the country in an RV, Winnie Bay Gogh I saw you smiling, there ya Gogh!
Violin Puns
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
The Secret Cemetery Music
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827". Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony, and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him. By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the next day the word has spread and a crowd has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Third Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the group asks him if he has an explanation for the music. "I would have thought it was obvious," the caretaker says. "He's decomposing."
Rain Puns
What do you call a camper driving through frozen rain?

Van Hailin’.
One Liners for Kids
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
Toxic Pick Up Lines
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have a gun, get in the van!
Art Puns
Why did the artist have to go to the bathroom right away? Because when you gotta Van Gogh, you gotta Van Gogh.
Which barnyard animal is a famous painter?
Vincent Van Goat
Why did Van Gogh become a painter? Because he just didn't have an ear for music.
If Van Gogh were alive today, what might the title of his autobiography be called?
The STARRY of My Life
Nerdy Pick Up Lines
My favorite attractive force is Van der Waal's force. Can you feel it? I'll move closer if you can't.
Physics Pick Up Lines
Woah, that attractive field of yours is pulling me in! By any chance, are you a Van de Graaff generator?