Jokes > Search Results > snake

snake Jokes

snake Jokes and more.
Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Monster Puns
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler.
History Puns
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
The Old Snake and the Doctor
A old snake goes to see his doctor and says, ”I need something for my eyes… I can’t see very well these days”. The doctor fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in two weeks. The snake comes back in two weeks and tells the doctor that he’s very depressed. “What’s the problem?" Asks the doctor. "Didn’t the glasses help you?” “The glasses are fine doc." Answers the snake dejectedly. "Thing is, I just discovered I’ve been living with a garden hose the past 2 years.”
One Liners and Short Jokes
A snake slithered into a bar and asked the bartender for a drink.
“I’m sorry,” said the bartender, “but I can’t serve you.”

“Why not?” asked the snake.
The bartender said, “Because you can’t hold your liquor.”
Christian Pick Up Lines
I have a snake and he wants to enter your garden.
What kind of Animal Are You?
One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, Ker-Plop!, right on his twitchy little nose. "Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see." "That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?" "Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out." So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, "Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose... you must be a bunny rabbit!" Then he said, "I can't thank you enough, but by the way, what kind of animal are you?" And the snake replied that he didn't know, and the bunny agreed to examine him. When he was finished, the snake said, "Well, what kind of an animal am I?" So the bunny felt the snake all over, and he replied, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy and you haven't got any balls... You must be a politician!"
Flight Puns
When you cross a plane and a snake, you will end up with a Boeing Constrictor.
Clever Jokes
A snake walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “How did you do that?”
Music Puns
What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
Kangaroo Puns
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
Winter Puns
What do you call a glove combined with a snake?
Smitten.
Chess Puns
Where do chess grandmasters keep their pet snakes?
In a chesst.
Sheep Puns
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss.
Frog Puns
What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A jump rope.
One Liners for Kids
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
Grass Puns
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
The Psycho's Snake
A zoologist, a doctor, and a politician are kidnapped by an evil psychopath. The psychopath says "I'm going to get each of you to hold a snake for ten minutes, the most venomous snake in the world. If it doesn't bite you, I'll let you go. If you refuse, I'll shoot you." The zoologist approaches the snake carefully, then, using his knowledge, tries to grab the back of the snake's head. But the snake was quicker, and his hand got bit before it got 2 centimeters from the snake. He falls dead almost instantly. The doctor examines the snake, tries to find the best position to stop the snake from being uncomfortable, and holds it. The snake bites him, and he falls over dead. The politician is last up, he just mutters ‘screw it’ and holds the snake. To his amazement, the snake stays still, it doesn't bite him. He holds it for a full ten minutes and is set free.  After he leaves, the psycho looks at the snake and says "why didn't you kill that last one?" "Professional courtesy." Murmured the Snake. 
Drum Puns
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
Funny Tongue Twisters
A slimey snake slithered down the sandy sahara.
Seven slick slimey snakes slowly sliding southward.
Canadian Pick Up Lines
Let's procreate like the snakes in the Narcisse Dens.
Snake Puns
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.

Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.