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Divorce Puns
“Mr. Jones, I’ve reviewed this case very carefully,” said the divorce court judge, “And I’ve decided to give your wife $300 a week.”
“That’s very fair, your honor,” said the husband.
“I’ll try and send her a few bucks myself every now and then too.”
Chuck Norris Jokes
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Space Puns
Well, there are mixed reviews. People say the food is great. But there is no atmosphere or ambience.
France Puns
Why is research more trustworthy if it comes from France?
It's Pierre-reviewed.
Food puns
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
The Geography of Men and Women
They say about women that... Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile, and naturally Beautiful! Between 23 and 30, a woman is like the USA. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain. Very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece. Gently aging but still, a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain. With a glorious and all-conquering past. Between 51 and 60, a woman is like France. She has been through war, and vowed never again. Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada. Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people. After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for knowledge. THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN: Between 1 and 100, a man is like Iran and Russia: Ruled by a pair of nuts.
What Was Your Answer?
There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?" After a dramatic pause and precisely six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered. "Yes. Yes, I will." The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?" He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
Rain Puns
Why are people in big cities in Spain always dry?
Because the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
Vehicle Puns
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
Theater Puns
All theatres love to see scarecrows out in the audience as reviewers! They're simply outstanding in their field.
If you don't focus on learning your lines for the production, I shutter to imagine what the reviewers will snap about.
Puns
I work at an Ink company in Spain. Yesterday I held a Competition about our company’s history. But looks like no one wanted to be a part of the
Spanish Ink Quiz Session.
Knock Knock Jokes
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Spain!
Spain who?
Spain to have to keep knocking on this door!
Three Injured Soldiers
A rough old general has heard about a unit with the toughest soldiers around and decides to visit them. After reviewing the troops on parade he visits the medical tent to meet the soldiers. The general barks at the first soldier, "Why are you here, soldier?" "Hemorrhoids, Sir!" "And how are you treating that?" "Wire brush and disinfectant, Sir!" "And what's your goal in life?" "To kill the enemy Sir!" Impressed, the general asks the next soldier, "Why are you here?" "Genital warts, Sir!" "And how are you treating it?" "Wire brush and disinfectant, Sir!" "And what's your goal in life?" "To kill the enemy, Sir!" Once again the general is impressed and moves on to the last soldier. "And why are you here?" "Gum disease, Sir!" "And how are you treating it?" "Wire brush and disinfectant, Sir!" "And what's your goal in life?" "To beat these other two to the wire brush, Sir!"
What Gender is the Computer?
A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. '"House" in French, is feminine - "la maison", while "pencil" in French is masculine - "le crayon."' One puzzled student asked, "What gender is a computer?" The teacher thought it would be a good exercise to have the students decide what they thought the gender should be. So she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. The men's group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review. 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you constantly find yourself spending more money on accessories for it. The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine "le computer") because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves. 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem. 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer you could have gotten a better model!
Tennis Puns
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
Funny Poems
There once was a child in Spain.
Who loved to play in the rain.
One day he tripped.
And broke his hip.
Now he is in serious pain.
Submarine Puns
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
Electricity Puns
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
Planet Puns
Why haven't the aliens visited earth yet?
They read the reviews... only one star.
Spain Puns
So in my trip to Spain i got attacked by a bull.
Oh man that's spainful.
What do you call a rental car in Spain?
A Barceloaner.
What do you call a small mosque in Spain?
A mosquito!
Where to Bees go to party in Spain?
Ibiza.
My collection of Swiss watches was stolen in Spain.
Adios Omegas.
Where do recluses live in Spain?
Barceloner.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus.
I used to live in in Aragon, in Spain.
Then I left.
I'm Aragone.
What milk comes from Spain?
Soy Milk.
In Spain, you should not develop a program beyond 2.0.
Because that would be over dos.
How come there are no automatic cars in Spain?
They’re all Manuel.
I visited Spain and couldn't stop looking at the architecture
It was very Moorish.
How does Mr. Bean introduce himself in Spain?
Soy Bean.
How do you leave any building in Spain?
You "follow salida lida lida..."
Where do folks from Bilbao, Spain buy outdoor equipment?
The Basque Pro Shop.
I heard the King of spain caught Covid...
Heard he tested positive while on his plane going somewhere, now he has to quarantine there.

So the Reign in Spain remains solely on the Plane.
What do you call someone from Spain who lives near the Portuguese border?
Span-ish.
What do you call a hangover when you're alone in Spain?
Barf-a-lona.
People are always amazed by the skilled tattoo artists in Spain
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
It’s lonely between Germany and Spain
Not many France, nobody’s Nice to me, everyone seems to be Lyon. It’s just Eiffel.
What will you call two quizzers having a date in spain comic con?
Spanish con-quiz-daters.
Vasco de Balboa told the Queen of Spain, “I discovered a large body of water on my journey.”
She said, “Could you be a little more pacific?”
Did you hear that cats have carried out a Coup in Barcelona and declared independence from Spain?
They're calling themselves the Republic of Catalo-nya.
I went to Spain to attend the Running of the Bulls, but when I arrived, there was nothing there but cows with fake horns attached.
I was in shambles.
My uncle moved to Spain to sing on stage by night and sell UPVC windows by day. He changed his name to....
Enrique Doubleglazius.
It wasn't til I studied Spanish as an adult that learned Spain discovered Canada.
As our teacher explained it, the first maps said "Acá, nada."
I was joking with my mailman, and said I had a package to ship to Spain.... to Parcelona...
He didn't laugh though. The key to a joke like that is the delivery.
My son asked today “ Dad, are people in Spain cannibals?”
I answered “Why would you think that?”

He said “Well, my teacher said they mostly live off of tourists there.”
I was at my hotel in Spain and wasn't feeling well.
Reception said they had a doctor on staff.

The doctor asked me lots of questions and I was then feeling much better.

I told reception I didn't expect a hotel would have a doctor on staff

They said it was a Spanish Inn Physician
A Cheap Hand
A man lost his hand in a war and goes to a shop to purchase a prosthetic hand. He enters the shop and explains his situation, the salesman directs him to their selection and picks up the first prosthetic hand. "This is one of our highest quality prosthetic hands, will feel as close to having the touch in your fingers as you were prior the incident. It costs $1,500". "No thank you, that is too expensive for me.", says the war vet, "Do you have anything cheaper?" The man nods his head and picks up the next prosthetic hand. "This one is almost as good as the other one, it has received multiple high reviews from our customers. It costs $900". Again the man argues, "No thank you, that is too expensive still, do you have anything else?". The salesman nods his head and picks up the last prosthetic arm on the rack. "This is our cheapest prosthetic arm, it costs $650, however we only have it in a green color". The vet again responds, "No thank you, that is still too expensive and I despise the color green." The salesman, out of options, tells the man, "Across the road there is an old man close to death selling his prosthetic hand, from the old man you can go and buy your third hand second hand first hand".
Pedro the Quote Master
It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro, the son of a Mexican telecom tycoon, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good! Now, who said "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'?" Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863," said Pedro. The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans." "Who said that?" she demanded. Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Pedro. "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinski, 1997!" Now, with almost a mob hysteria, someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001." The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh crap, we're in BIG trouble now!" Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."
Funny Limericks
There was an Old Person of Spain,
Who hated all trouble and pain;
So he sat on a chair,
With his feet in the air,
That umbrageous Old Person of Spain.
Orange Puns
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”