If ten zombies run after you, what time is it?
Ten after one.
Why are Scandinavians the fastest runners in the world?
Because they start out near the Finnish line.
Two tomatoes went jogging. One trips and falls. The other tomato said, "Grab my Heinz and I'll help you up." Trippy tomato replies, "Nah, you go ahead. I'll ketchup."
Why couldn't the garden gnome run in the marathon?
Because he's not part of the human race!
Why was the criminal dubbed the Beer Runner let go after being arrested for stealing 23 beers?
'Cause the prosecutors didn't have a case.