A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn't faulty or anything, he just said he couldn't see himself using it.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
I'm considering becoming a cinematografur.
Why doesn’t Frankenstein go on airplanes?
He can’t get past the airport metal detector.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
How do you stop an Internet troll?
Seize their memes of production.
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
Why did no one want to sit near Shrek?
He had terrible body ogre.
What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein’s monster?
HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.
Please stop making jokes about little people
How would you feel if a bunch of giants made jokes about you?
I met an annoying squid who wanted to become a comedian.
He wouldn’t stop kraken jokes.
What do you call it when Dr. Frankenstein makes tea?
A monstrositea.
What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
Why did the ghoul bury the trophy?
Because he wanted it engraved!
What did the skeleton say when he went riding on his motorcycle?
- I’m bone to be wild!
What did the broken hearted skeleton say?
After all to-marrow is another day.
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
What do you call a troll that’s in charge?
In control.
What did one werewolf say when he saw his friend?
- Howl’s it going?
The skeleton was scared of going skiing, he didn’t want to wrist it.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
Where do werewolves hate shopping?
The flea market.
I don’t care if all of the other giants see me as a big joke for filing a restraining order on a guy I’ve got 75 feet on.
Beanstalked is a serious matter.
Shrek isn't bad, but he's not that great either. I guess you could say he's medi-ogre.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What do you say when you see a stunned ghostbuster catch a ghoul?
He's a little confused but he's got the spirit.
How does Frankenstein eat his dinner?
He bolts it down.
What is it called when a skeleton lawyer works for free!
Pro Bone-O.
Why are Ghosts so lonely? They have nobody to lean on.
My friend who's a vampire was feeling a bit low. I told him to drink B positive.
The mom to the naughty vampire said to him, “Watch your battitude, that is not how you talk to your elders.”
What do you call the Frankenstein of the Gardening world?
An A-botan-ation.
What do you call a bodybuilder skeleton?
A musculoskeleton.
What is a werewolf’s favorite tree?
A lu-pine.
What should you do when you see Frankenstein walking towards you?
Make a bolt for it.
What flavor of ice cream do vampires like best?
Vein-illa!
What would you call a singer who's really scared of medusa?
A rockstar.
Why did the mummy get a divorce?
His wife was a ghoul-digger who was just after his mummy.
Why did Frankenstein turn to solar?
For the free charge.
I wish medusa would stop objectifying people.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
IT’S A LIEEEEE!!
Frankenstein entered a body-building competition…
And soon found he had seriously misunderstood the objective.
Witches are always wand-ering around…
Who do vampires buy their cookies from? The Ghoul Scouts
What does a baby vampire say before going to bed?
- Turn on the dark, I’m scared of the light.
What you call the Ghost of a Chicken? Poultry-geist.
Why shouldn’t you grab a werewolf by its tail?
It might be the werewolf’s tail but it could be the end of you!
What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other?
I didn’t know we lived on the same block.
When a big giant eel takes your hand for a meal...
...that’s a moray.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.